_ . [fionanoif] .

♥ Friday, July 22, 2005 ♥ 5:41 PM
I miss you

Last night's conversation with him was a rather sad one. *sigh* He says he understands me but I really don't know. If he understands, then he should know why I've been feeling so down lately and then he should take action right. But he never. *sigh*

This morning, I told Lynnda that we haven't meet each other for 20 days already. She was shocked. *sigh* I really can't handle this anymore. I'm still seventeen. This is too much stress. *sigh* If he's in NS now, I probably had already broken down and admitted into mental hospital. But he isn't and yet we still can't meet.

*sigh* No words and nothing can ever describe this feeling that I'm feeling now. I feel so empty. I feel so lonely. I feel so sad. I feel so scared. I feel so angry. I feel so depressed. I feel so upset. I feel so frausrated. All these are part of how I felt but there's just this one feeling that can't be described. *sigh* I need him so badly. I remembered Melvin once told me that we cannot be too dependent on each other. I learnt that but it has been so long since we last met. All I need is so comfort and love from him. But all I know is that we have drifted so far apart that it hurts everytime I think of him.

Tomorrow is Saturday. Will we meet? I told him a week ago that I'll book him on the 23rd but he did not give me an answer. Up till now, there's still no answer. I won't lie that I'm still waiting, thinking that there's hope. But there's a part of me that tells me,"Fiona, give it up. Stop thinking." *sigh* Hen xin ku ar. I remembered I used to look forward to Saturdays all the time but now... it's a so different. I'm scared of the weekends. All it does was to bring tears to my eyes.

Is being in love so diffcult? Is this true love? Does he love me? I love him but I don't know why I have all these fucked up emotions in me and it's killing me.

Oh... Wow. I was supposed to get into my yahoo email account when I came across my yahoo horoscope. This is so true.

This is the horoscope:
"You have been suffering from the distance between your partner and yourself. Indeed, he is often away and you would rather have him beside you. Today's celestial configuration will enable you to think about this situation. This aspect of your life is stressful and could causes tension. You really should talk to your partner about this situation."

*sigh* Talk to him? = / He probably will fell asleep in the middle of the conversation, now that he's so busy and he's always tired. How to talk? *sigh*

Forget it. (Will I?) If he did not mention about meeting tomorrow or he had plans for tomorrow, I guess I'll just give it up liao. I will give up all the hopes of meeting him. I'm tired thinking so highly. It sucks. It sucks real bad. *sigh* The answers will be reveal by tomorrow. As for now, I hope I can stop all these fucking thoughts.