_ . [fionanoif] .

♥ Monday, October 31, 2005 ♥ 2:19 AM
Kill me please.

30th October, Sunday. One of the worst days of my life.

I woke up in the morning with a foul mood. For what fuck? I don't know. After doing all the neccesaries, I went to do my revision until it was time for lunch which I didn't realise it at all. My mother was so kind enough to come in with my lunch and said happily that she knew I would be busy revising so she brought it in. I wanted to smile and said thank you but when I saw her pushing my pencil box onto the dirty part of the table, I made a face and she saw it. Obviously, she wasn't happy after that.

I ate my lunch while revising. Then suddenly, my concentration just went sot. I decided to check my mails while eating. That was when, I thought about my attitude towards my mother just now. I felt ashame. I hardly do that to her. And now, for no good reason, I treat her this way. What kind of daughter am I?!

I went out of my room and tried to catch her attention and all that. She even smiled and joked with me. I couldn't bring myself to tell her about my previous attitude. But it seemed like there wasn't a need to. She understands. She knows why. After all the talking I had with her, I felt much better.

With a lighter feeling, I revised more effectively. Then, came my another emotion.

I felt upset about something. What? I don't know. Just feel so god-damn upset suddenly. -_-" My sister came home at that time and asked me something. I just merely nodded my head and answered a one word answer to her. I treated her coldly. I was such a bitch.

Then after taking my dinner, I was all smiles again. And I went back to my revision. Everything was normal until... 11.15 p.m., when I recieved a message and couldn't read it because my stupid phone just wouldn't work even as I opened it up 45 degrees.

I was damn du lan with my phone for giving me these fucking problems at the very fucking wrong time. I was like venting my anger around. Those slient type. =P

Then at 11.30 p.m., Alvin called me. He reminded me that we haven't met for a week already and guess what... I cried. I felt so sad. I just missed him so much. But at least he did make me smile again but for only a little while. The smiles were all gone after we hanged up. *sigh*

My messages and contact numbers are all saved in the phone itself. There are thousand, millions of memories inside it and now, it became like shit. I was damn frusrated lah. After switching it off for 15 minutes, it finally worked as I opened it up at 45 degrees. Then, I spent the whole one and a half hour, copying the messages that were in my phone.

And most of the messages made me cried... *sigh* I was reminded of how much he and I had gone through. Those ups and downs. Wow. We have come a long way... a very very long way.

I wanted to carry on to copying the numbers when the phone went sot again. It wouldn't operate at 45 degrees. *sigh*

I didn't have the mood to revise so I sat on my chair and I reflect on what I had done today. I realised that all these sudden emotions getting over me were all because I was... stressed. Heh. A word that I thought wouldn't associate with me. Because at first, I was cooled about all these exams and was ready to go to ITE but after what Alvin said to me, I decided to buck up and now... I felt stressed. I know it was my fault for not studying early in the beginning. I don't blame anyone... I can only blame myself.

That's why I want to take this time to appologise to the people who I might have offended accidentally.

I'm so sorry.

If you want, you can just kill me.