_ . [fionanoif] .

♥ Thursday, February 23, 2006 ♥ 1:42 AM
Headache (Physically or Mentally?)

Yesterday's day started off with me feeling all lazy and bored. But I made a surprising move, I went to the market nearby to buy myself a lunch. It was a great move because my lunch was damn tasty and filling. And most importantly, I don't have to cook it! I had been cooking instant noodles for the past few days or maybe even weeks, and I'm seriously sick and tired of it.

Anyway, I was very close to changing my blogskin yesterday afternoon, but I was glued to the newspapers and the TV.

Yehying, not that I didn't find the time leh but reading the newpapers is good right, so cannot blame me hor. Haha. I swear I didn't purposely find any excuses!

Then, at 5.45 p.m., I left home to go for my training. I met Lynnda at Bugis and then we rushed to the building. Luckily, we aren't the latest. The trainning was quite okay lor. Now, I get a clearer picture of what to expect and what I thought was that, having a basic pay is really a good thing but come to think of its' working hours and the time spent on the phone calls, I don't think I can get to the target of the pay that I wanted. Actually, I thought it was a great deal and that I would take it no matter what. But after listening to the trainer, I find that it was quite hard to get to the target that I wanted because the working hours provided is not long enough to give me the time to make more sales.

Anyway, I still have some time to think over it. But it's running low. =/

*sigh* Once, there was this guy who told me that he was sandwiched between his mother and his girlfriend. As in his mother would like him to stay at home, whereas his girlfriend, wanted him to go out with her. Both parties were unhappy and obviously the guy got fed up as no matter which way he goes, one of them will be unhappy. He didn't want the both of them to be upset as one is his mother and he has to be filial and the other is his girlfriend, he misses and loves her a lot. But luckily, his girlfriend was understanding so in the end they just suit whatever his mother wants.

But in my situation, I'm sandwiched in between three layers now. First layer, family. Second layer, friends. Third layer, boyfriend. I want to make everyone happy. Every three layers are equally special and important to me but one or two of them will be unhappy when I make my decision. What the fuck should I do?! I hate seeing any one of them unhappy and giving me the cold shoulders. I can't please everyone but I'll always try. It's diffcult sometimes but at the end of the day, to see them smile and laugh, it really makes my day too.

I know some people will say, "You live for yourself, not for others." But these people care for me and I care for them too. If I make a decision that they didn't like, I would want to respect them and so I changed it. But it got all confusing and annoying when everyone of them decide on different things and I would start to feel lost which I hate that feeling the most.

I don't want to lose any one of them. So I tried to do things that will make them happy. Some of them didn't even know I do it just so that they are happy but don't think that I'm fake or plastic. As when I see them happy, I feel happy too even though I go through so much just to see their smile.

But this time, I'm stucked. I don't know what to do. I tried to turn to my sister but she didn't really care much and went to sleep soon. *sigh* I really don't know what the fuck I should do lah. I'm starting to feel the fucking feeling I felt long long time ago. The feeling of breaking down.